Saturday, January 10, 2015


Aryn's team won last night and she scored 24 points. She is so much fun to watch. She is so calm and knows basketball so well, she just does it.  

Today I want to vent.

I am so thankful to be able to take care of Jim.  He is 10 years older than I am, and to be sure, when I have those 10 years behind me, someone will have to take care of me.  PLEASE don't misunderstand what I am saying.  

This morning I had his coffee ready when he got up.  He was sitting at the table eating, and watching the news on TV.  For no reason, he just dropped the coffee cup and broke the handle off.  The handle is not the focus.

Last night going in and out of the gym, with his walker, he stumbled with one foot on the curb and almost fell.  If he had not had his walker, he would have been down on the concrete again.  Of course I turned to help him, and he said, 'I can do it, I can do it.'

His memory is getting so bad.  We can go somewhere, like the hospital yesterday, for his PT check.  (takes Coumadin and has to have blood work)  He knew why we were going and where, and when we just about go to the parking garage, he asked 'what in the world are we doing here?'

He has a walking cane that he uses in the house, and he loses it constantly.  I have to hunt all the rooms, etc. and find it out in the car from our last trip.

I wish you could see 'his' chair in the livingroom. The floor around it has so much on it, you could grow a garden. He has a wastebasket right beside him, and everything lands on the floor - candy wrappers, toothpicks, paper towels, and I found his toothbrush there yesterday.  ????

Jim has always had a small amount of pride, in his looks, clothes, etc.  We started to church last Sunday and I was buttoning his shirt, and there was a big hole at the collar.  I told him and asked if he didn't want to change.  He said, 'no, it doesn't matter'.  I have to button shirts, tuck his shirt in his pants, hold his coat for him to get it on, etc.

Those are just a few of the examples.  I am so tired.....emotionally, physically, and mentally.  I know we have 3 children, but they have their own families and activities.  I can't call on them every single day to help, so it is left up to me.

I don't know if you can understand all this, but I just had to say it, get it out, vent or whatever it is called.  Thank you for listening and allowing me to do so.



  1. Linda, I cannot pretend to know what you are going through...
    But I do, unfortunately, have some firsthand knowledge of your situation.
    The things you are describing sound so very similar to what my mother experienced with my father. Right down to the steadfast love amd desire to care for her husband exclusively at home.
    It is sooooo hard. So very hard. We finally decided, for my father's own safety and my mother's health as well...that the best place for my father was an assisted living situation. They were able to keep him safe from falls, monitor his medication, engage his mind, and offer medical and personal care that was just too much for my mother.
    She in turn could spend time with him as a wife...and a friend...and companion...rather than a doctor and nurse.
    It was there where we found that he did indeed suffer from Dementia...and we were able to have the proper treatment for him.
    Please know my prayers are with you...The caregiver shoulders sooooo much. As well as watching the person she loves most begin to decline. Take care of yourself, my friend. Hugs.

  2. Ohhhh Linda how I understand you...having a husband who had suffered 3 strokes (he is 48 now), he/mine has short term memory issues. 4 times within the last 10 min he argued with me that today was Sunday! While in Walmart a short time ago he argued with me again about what day it is, among other things, yesterday was just awful here--not just his short term issues--but anger isses. I had had enough yesterday...told him so. I can not wait to start back to school...I know that sounds cruel...but I is driving me nuts. I don't discuss it on my blog anymore..etc...I just put up with it. I know it has to be hard on him...I told him it was time he had to seek some sort of help, because I can't do it anymore. As the major caregiver, it is so harddddd!! He also other health issues...anyways....sorry for writing a book...I completely understand, you have my email. I just wanted to add one more thing...for better or worse, right? That is what my marriage vows state...I had no idea nearly 10 yrs later after his strokes, it be would like this. I am just worn out...and I know you know what that is.

    Billie Jo hit on the nail...she sure did. Blessings sweet friend...

  3. So many of my dear friends are having such painful issues. I'm glad you know that this can be shared with all of us. I will hold your hurt with you and help to carry the burden in any way I can. And I know we can all do this with our blessed Lord Jesus who gives us strength, guidance and unquestioning love. I will continue to pray for you and Jim. And I also think that an assisted care center might be the answer. I did some volunteer work in a local one and found them a caring, resourceful, clean and happy place. Your kids can help with this. That's what families are for. VERY best wishes and do feel free to share anytime. All our prayers are with you. Luv ~:) xx

  4. I haven't gone through this personally, but in my work I see how hard it is on families, spouses in particular. I think assisted living may be a good idea too. You need to take care of you to take care of him, but I know these are such tough decisions. Praying for you.

  5. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is a hard, hard situation. My husband is 5 years younger than I am and he has epilepsy and essential tremor (similar to Parkinsons). When the tremors are bad I bathe, dress and feed him. When he falls (which is often) I try to help him up. Sometimes I can, sometimes I need to have someone help me. I call around looking for a neighbor or friend that can come over and help me get him up off of the floor. He has fallen down the stairs and broken his shoulder. He forgets things too. But he is the nicest, kindest person immaginable. I work full time, and try to take care of the house, get a decent meal on the table, and take care of him. Sometimes he has good days and takes care of me! I have my own health issues as well.

    I guess what we all are saying is that you are not alone. You have friends who understand and care. Vent as much as you'd like. It's your blog. Prayers are being sent your way. It's hard. I know.

  6. Good morning Linda, don't worry about venting, that's what friends are for. I used to call my Mother and do some venting, but I can no longer do that and miss that very much. I saw what my Mother went through with my Father and she wouldn't let anyone else care for him. Several times he was put in a nursing home, but after a few days she would bring him back to their home. But it did give her a few days to recuperate. Finally she decided on her own, after an ER visit, it was time for the nursing home. He died early the next morning, then she felt guilt for the longest time. But she had worn her body down, I still don't know how she did it all. I was working full time at this time in her life. But Dad's mind had gotten so bad, he didn't even know who she was half the time. There is one funny story, she notice he seemed to be having a hard time eating and she asked if his mouth was sore, he said no. Came bed time and she was helping get him ready for bed. They were in the bathroom and she said to puff, that allowed his false teeth to pop loose. She said he kept puffing and puffing, but nothing was happening, so she told him to open his mouth, and sure enough his top teeth were missing. She looked all over the house for them, starting in the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, living room. Finally found them, he had stuffed them down along the side of his recliner. Her and I chuckled about that for a long time. Stay strong, keep healthy and just keep plugging along, that's about all any of us can do. When it gets to be too much, see about having a person come to the house to spend a day, so you can get out without worrying about leaving him alone.

  7. I know you love your husband but I also understand how being a carer can wear a person down. And watching your husband struggle is heart-breaking. I wish I knew just what to say to cheer your heart. I'm sending you a big hug and praying for you!

  8. I'm catching up, Linda, but voice the same encouragement that your other friends have expressed here. My Joe is 14 years older than me, and I am starting to see little indications of things to come. It is no easy task being a caregiver. The most important thing you can do for Jim is to take care of yourself, and know when to ask for help. We ladies just can't do it all by ourselves. Love & hugs, and please understand that this is your safe place to vent and talk things through, with friends who care for you!!