Today I want to vent.
I am so thankful to be able to take care of Jim. He is 10 years older than I am, and to be sure, when I have those 10 years behind me, someone will have to take care of me. PLEASE don't misunderstand what I am saying.
This morning I had his coffee ready when he got up. He was sitting at the table eating, and watching the news on TV. For no reason, he just dropped the coffee cup and broke the handle off. The handle is not the focus.
Last night going in and out of the gym, with his walker, he stumbled with one foot on the curb and almost fell. If he had not had his walker, he would have been down on the concrete again. Of course I turned to help him, and he said, 'I can do it, I can do it.'
His memory is getting so bad. We can go somewhere, like the hospital yesterday, for his PT check. (takes Coumadin and has to have blood work) He knew why we were going and where, and when we just about go to the parking garage, he asked 'what in the world are we doing here?'
He has a walking cane that he uses in the house, and he loses it constantly. I have to hunt all the rooms, etc. and find it out in the car from our last trip.
I wish you could see 'his' chair in the livingroom. The floor around it has so much on it, you could grow a garden. He has a wastebasket right beside him, and everything lands on the floor - candy wrappers, toothpicks, paper towels, and I found his toothbrush there yesterday. ????
Jim has always had a small amount of pride, in his looks, clothes, etc. We started to church last Sunday and I was buttoning his shirt, and there was a big hole at the collar. I told him and asked if he didn't want to change. He said, 'no, it doesn't matter'. I have to button shirts, tuck his shirt in his pants, hold his coat for him to get it on, etc.
Those are just a few of the examples. I am so tired.....emotionally, physically, and mentally. I know we have 3 children, but they have their own families and activities. I can't call on them every single day to help, so it is left up to me.
I don't know if you can understand all this, but I just had to say it, get it out, vent or whatever it is called. Thank you for listening and allowing me to do so.
THANK YOU GOD FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE.